New Horizons

Tomorrow would be the day, the day I would need to go back to work from maternity leave. BUT last week I took the plunge and put in my resignation at my job. My full time, steady income job with benefits so that I can stay home and raise my kids. This was probably the scariest thing that I have ever done but I couldn’t be more confident in my decision.

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The Monday I quit I was awful, I was nauseous all day and had to psych myself up to make the call into work. I felt like I was breaking up with someone who hadn’t done anything wrong. Hearing the disappointment in my boss’s voice over the phone was awful but he knew this is what I needed to do for my family even if it felt like I was about to step off the edge of a cliff.

Ever since my oldest, Raylan was born, my perspective on my career changed. I could care less about work and making money. I cared that I was missing precious moments with my child. I hated having the stress of packing him up in the morning and the tears when I left. He cried, I cried and I felt guilty all day. Every time someone came into the store with their kids my heart broke a little because I couldn’t be home with him. These feelings became even worse after my second son, Jase, was born. I would sit back at my desk and cry because I missed my kids so much. I hated that they were being raised by other people. I didn’t want to work to simply have health insurance and then pay someone to take my place raising my kids. It killed me. After Jase I had promised myself that once he turned one I would quit and work from home. Well Callen decided to surprise us so I had to postpone that dream until now.

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I cannot begin to describe the relief I feel knowing that I don’t have to go into the store tomorrow. No waking up at the crack of dawn to get ready before the kids wake up, no packing up the breast pump bag and making sure I have everything or that I look presentable. No crying kids, no going through schedules and routines, no crying all the way to work and on pump breaks and best of all, no saying goodbye to my babies. It is scary and exciting but I know this is going to be an amazing adventure for my family.  I get to experience every crazy, exhausting, aggravating, exciting moment of their lives and I can’t wait.

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